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How to Raise Successful Kittens

Hey all you parents out there -

We know you are concerned about how your kittens will succeed in this uncertain economy. So , we are here to give some basic tips, that will help you in your quest to Raise Successful Kittens!

1. Forget about college - teach your kittens CUTENESS! According to famous psychologist Jordan Caterson, the best gift you can give your kittens it to make them irresistibly CUTE. Obliterate humans with the CUTE-ray, scramble their brains with weaponized ADORABLENESS. They will never know what hit them - they will give up their entire house, furniture and sleep schedule to make your kittens happy.

2. Hunting. Don't let your kittens get fat and lazy off cat food. Teach them some life skills. You never know when you will need to grab a bird from a back yard. Make hunting fun and they will always remember it fondly.

3. Teach them the TRUTH about dogs. Dogs are not our friends, no matter how nice they appear to be. Humans have a tendency to favor dogs, and there's a lot of rubbish out there about how dogs and cats can be buddies - make sure your kittens the basics: Dogs drool, cats rule!

Previous Comments:

2020-07-04    Martin Pawclaw
Hi Friends -

Such a timely article. We at the Nip Shoppe applaud your advice. We are planning to offer hunting classes for kittens - keep an eye on our calendar: https://nipshippe.com/calendar

Thanks - Martin Pawclaw, Co-owner of The Nip Shoppe
2021-03-25    Grandma Prissypaws
This is terrible advice! Are we trying to raise little alley cats? A proper young cat should turn up her nose at dead animals. Cat food should always come from a can and preferably be served on a silver platter. And please educate your little kitties! Higher learning should be the goal for everyone regardless of life station.

Finally - dogs can be useful in many ways. They are especially good at taking blame for our indiscretions.

Next time, think before you publish such rubbish.
2021-05-20    PInkie
We homeschool our kittens and they go hunting every day. They have also memorized all 457 varieties of small prey and can survive anywhere.